I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
