Four minutes until I can fart!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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