So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
