You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize