Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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