Cold hands, warm shart.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
