you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
