Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Randomize
