I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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