My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
