When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
