I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
