Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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