Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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