You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
