I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
