Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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