She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
