Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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