if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
