Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
