grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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