I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
