Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
