Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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