I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
