I wish my penis had an off switch
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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