quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
