4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
