just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
you never un-have a 4some
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
