The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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