Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
