but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you inspire me to be a worse person
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
