Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
