I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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