hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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