i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
