Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
