Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
