nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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