I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
