These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize