My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
