i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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