If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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