so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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