that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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