No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
