Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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