did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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