Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
