ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
