is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
