8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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