Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize