GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
