3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
