this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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