Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
