he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
