Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
