if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
