So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
