i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
