Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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