if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize