Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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