Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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