Nicole vs. Life
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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