i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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