A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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