on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
